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Wellness + Yoga

Anxiety affects my life every day – The Anxiety Chronicles

One word: Anxiety.

As I sit down to start this post, it’s hard to know where to start; I wasn’t even sure if I would start sharing this part of my life. I also realized that if I had someone like me to connect with when I first started this journey, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so alone during the hard times. I would have known there was light on the other side of anxiety.

As short as a few years ago, the word anxiety almost seemed like a bad or taboo word

Anxiety. As short as a few years ago, it almost seemed like a bad or taboo word, but these days the thoughts around anxiety disorders have become so much more understanding and accepting.  I remember feeling embarrassed to bring it up to my family, friends, and especially doctors. If you happen to get a shitty doctor, it can still be a bad scenario but don’t give up. Keep trying new providers and research the ones out there that may specialize in mental health. Keep knocking on doors until you find the one you connect with and you feel comfortable sharing with. Nowadays (after many years or decades of therapy), for the most part, I shout it from the rooftop that I HAVE ANXIETY! And it sucks a lot sometimes. Where is the switch in my brain to shut it off? I’ll let you know when I figure that one out. It’s a constant, delicate dance with the light and the dark of the universe, and I hate to break it to you, but sometimes the darkness takes the lead.

Anxiety Chronical Part 1
A relatable notion on anxiety

My journey with anxiety

Right now, I’m about 5ish years (give or take) on my journey with anxiety. Now I have suffered from depression since adolescents, so I’m sure I had anxiety to some extent when I was navigating those oh-so-lovely teenage years. But a quick prescription of the next new antidepressant was the typical response without much digging by doctors who probably didn’t fully understand the best treatments at the time. At the start, it was extremely terrifying. I didn’t realize what was happening.

If you’ve never witnessed someone with anxiety or maybe you have but don’t quite understand what it feels like, it’s like always being in fight or flight mode. It’s utterly exhausting, and scary. I was in a constant state of fear and felt like I was going to die at any given moment. I felt extreme anxiety when I was alone watching my daughter. The racing thoughts of something happening to me while I was with her and how she would get help were all I could think about. Driving was another trigger for me. I cannot tell you how often I called my mom and husband while I was driving, ultimately losing my mind, and not knowing if I was going to be able to make it home.

Thinking of where I could have someone come pick me up but then also worrying about how I would get my car home. I always felt like my body was just going to shut down, I was going to have a heart attack or stroke, and that would be it. Getting ready to drive with my kids in the car only amplified these fears because I didn’t want anything to happen to them. I would like to say that I’m past all of this, but unfortunately, I’m not, yet.

After years of therapy, I was able to understand somewhat the thought process of my anxiety and things I could do to help turn the narrative. I’ve found some natural remedies that have helped lighten the intensity. I’ve tried different medications, unfortunately, without any luck. And I will keep trying new things, meditating, exercising, and finding new remedies that help me manage my anxiety.

My anxiety attacks…

I’m not sure if it is the craziness of the pandemic or the turmoil I have seen throughout the world, but in the last few months, I have realized that I am no longer managing my anxiety in a way that is letting me thoroughly enjoy life. My attacks are back to an everyday normal, and I start to feel as if I’m dying yet again. I wake up in a panic, with racing thoughts, and lingering chest pain, which makes me think I’m sure having a days-long heart attack. Yes, I know that it is not possible, but my brain automatically goes to the most ominous of places, and to be quite frank, I f***ing hate it. I hate where I am right now, mentally, and emotionally. I’ve lost my joy and promise for the day ahead, and I feel like I have failed at my progress, knowing that I’m almost back to where I was five years ago. It is just plainly a shitty feeling.

I’m not ashamed of it…

But guess what I’m not ashamed of it. I want to show others that you can and deserve to fight your way back to happiness. After another morning of waking up in a panic with extreme chest pains, all while crying on the phone to my mom that I didn’t want to die, I finally have decided to go back to the doctor. I’m terrified but hopeful that I can find something that will help me. Now, I will say that if medication helps you, then by all means, PLEASE take it. For me, I have yet to find a medication that has worked for me but I’m willing to keep searching, which is why I have just stuck to my natural remedies for the last three years. I’ve had heart monitors and different antidepressants that had left me feeling angry or having darker thoughts.

The process has been long

And when no one could give me a good answer, the response was muscle spam pills; I kid you not. The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with my heart (thank god) 5 years ago, and the other medications they had me try made things worse, and that is what I was left with. That’s when I started to look for solutions myself and research why or what brings on anxiety. But now I’m at a place where I know I can’t do it all on my own. This week I head back to a new doctor to see what could help me on the road to recovery, I guess, it’s hard because I know it will never go away. Still, I just want to be able to enjoy the days ahead. I know the lows will again come as this is life, but I don’t want it to feel like doomsday every damn day. I’m excited and nervous about the next steps, but I’m ready to learn and grow. Here’s hoping for a peaceful and relaxing future!


Here’s one of my go-to books for understanding anxiety: This Is Your Brain on Anxiety: What Happens and What Helps

And here is more on my journey with anxiety: part 2 and part 3

Wishing you love, light and inner peace babes ✌🌈✨💜

Anxiety affects my life every day - The Anxiety Chronicles


  • Kate

    Thank you for sharing so honestly your journey and current experiences. As a mental health therapist, I know how validating and powerful it can be to know you aren’t alone and I’m sure others will really benefit from your story. I hope that things start to feel more manageable again soon. Big hugs!

  • Chelsea

    Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. Anxiety is no joke. I struggle with that and PTSD. And when I have an anxiety attack, I tell my family my sumo wrestler is back, sitting on my chest, because the chest pain is SO intense. I hope your upcoming appointment brings you some peace. Know, you’re not alone!

  • Kelly

    What’s important is that you are honest with yourself and what it is that you are facing “anxiety”. A lot of times people are in denial with themselves, ashamed and all sorts of other things and try to mask what they are going through, which only makes things worse. I understand some days may be easier than others for you and you feel like you are reverting back to where you were 5 years ago but I can tell by reading that you are really not. You have identified something is still not right, and now you are taking action to resolve the issue. Keep faith and doing your part and everything else will fall into place for you. Wishing you the best!

  • Sarah

    For the first time in my life, I have experienced anxiety with returning to work after being home for 3.5 months. It came in crushing waves and shortness of breath, to night sweats, to the point where I thought I actually had Covid. It isn’t fun, but it’s hard to explain to people who have never experienced it. Take it easy on yourself – I started a bunch of new hobbies and daily exercise and it’s helped a bit. That and having someone to talk to. Hang in there!

  • Sabrina DeWalt

    I think between the pandemic and the rioting, this has been a very difficult time for most of us. I recently found myself in a state of panic that I have not experienced since living with a raging alcoholic. I have forgotten what it feels like to live with that type of anxiety on a daily basis. Lucky for me, my husband handled the situation perfectly, lots of hugs and reassuring me that things would work themselves out. He was kind, understanding and did not look at me like I was crazy (even though that is how I felt). For me, it was only a one day panic, but it was very scary nonetheless. I hope you are able to find the peace you are looking for.

  • Anne Marie

    I can really relate to this post. I struggle with anxiety myself. You aren’t alone and you deserve to find ways to be at peace. I try and focus on clean eating and setting boundaries in my day to ensure I can properly manage my anxiety.

  • Tiffany

    Very insightful post – so good to read your words as there are many who experience the same things you write about but feel they are alone. The more we talk about these feelings, the more others will realize they are not alone. Thank you for taking the time to put this all into words!

  • Myrka

    Hi Elaine,

    I also developed anxiety about three years. I say developed because I never had issues prior to that other than the nervous feeling before making a presentation while I was in school. (which went away as soon as I was done with my presentation for example) I feel like people can experience anxiety in different ways but I did have some of your same symptoms. I went through some personal stuff and I can say that my anxiety developed because of all that.

    I actually didn’t know it was anxiety, I just thought something was wrong me like high blood pressure or like you said, I was just about to die. Then several different doctors narrowed it down to anxiety. Off course they just said, there’s nothing wrong with you we just suggest taking medication. I refused.

    What saved me was my frankincense essential oil. I did other things also, like yoga and the most important one, changed my diet. But my frankincense, I will never stop using. If you aren’t using it yet and would like to know more feel free to contact me. There’s so many benefits and i also use it as a beauty regimen.

    I also think our bodies just became imbalanced by something that happened to us that caused trauma. I might not be saying this correctly, but basically our body just doesn’t recognize when it should fight or flight when we go through certain things. Then it takes forever for our bodies to get back to that stable balance. I don’t get panic attacks as much anymore but I did have two since COVID. And honestly, I really think our minds can play some serious tricks on us.


  • Angela

    Please take care and thank you for sharing your anxiety struggles. I have a feeling you are not alone in the anxiety levels are higher during the pandemic time.

  • Eva Keller

    I have started to develop anxiety over the past few years and it has definitely been a struggle. I know others that suffer with it, which makes it a little easier to get through but it can definitely be frustrating at times.

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