A Road To A More Active Me
Feeling drained ALL the time is something I have just become accustomed to…three kids, three animals…. enough said. But now it’s to the point where I literally count down the hours until I can go back to bed, and this starts when I wake up. Well, this just makes me feel shitty, especially as a parent. I feel like I’m missing out on spending time with them because I’m just SO DAMN tired. Then the anxiety starts to creep in: “You shouldn’t be so tired, spend time doing shit with your kids, tomorrow I’m going to start fresh” (this sometimes holds anxiety at bay…until the next day).
For a while, I was up and chipper at 5:30 AM, doing my yoga, meditating, creating a sense of calm (my version of calm😉) before the day’s business starts. Then shit started to be too much to handle. Why? I couldn’t really tell you, ok maybe (stress of COVID fallout) had a bit to do with it. I was again back to feeling oh-so tired and just out of it. The motivation was gone, the drive was gone. Then I realized I had let my anxiety take over. My depression crept back in for a visit, kind of like that family member or friend that shows up and stays for longer than you had wanted🤣. Especially great times for an introvert.
Well, I’m going to try and not be this
mom person anymore. As much as I love my kids, I have realized that I need to think past the “mom” mode, I need to reach a better place for my overall being. I think we as moms fall into just being viewed as a mom. We need to take time for ourselves and remember that we are more significant than the mom crown, even though that is a huge and wonderful title that some wish they had, don’t get me wrong. We have to remember who we are holistically. As I have said before, I believe in taking time to be sad, be depressed, be overwhelmed. Acknowledge it, feel the feelings, but DON’T LIVE THERE. You are much more than the days of despair. You are a warrior with a fighting spirit. Here I go getting back to the more active me that I know is in there (girl I can’t see you, where are you?) Yes, the adjustment will suck, but here we go. I’ve started this journey by using a planner, not one on my phone but an actual planner, pen to paper. I’m going to start writing my week out with simple tasks, which may not be much. Still, hopefully I’ll gain some freakn’ time management and motivation. Hey, we can all wish, can’t we?
Getting back into the yoga game is next on my list, but we’re working in baby steps over here. The thought of going back to every day right away makes me want to recoil and retreat. Hello, anxiety, I see you, girl. So, a few days a week is where we start. Yes, this is also written in the planner. This will also be a painful learning curve; I’m exhausted already just writing this. Not to mention adding in time to write, meditate and garden. Whew, I need a nap! But then I need to think back to how I felt when these things were a priority. I felt whole; I felt calm, I felt at peace and like the real me. That is what I need to remember when I feel like I can’t do it. I am the one in charge of creating the life I want to live; I have to be my biggest cheerleader.
Then let’s add in some REAL food. Try, keyword try to cut out a lot of shitty food. Goodbye Taco Bell ☹ I’ve found arugula is my jam! So, salads with some smoked salmon, radishes, avocado, red onion, and homemade dressing are my go-to lunch these days. Quick and easy. Also, slowly adding these healthier options in. Thank the universe for the co-op down the street for those days when I’m not feeling culinary creativity ❤ . Expanding my garden has helped immensely in trying to eat healthier, not just for myself but also for the rest of my family. It’s so much fun to create a meal out of things you have watched grow. And it’s a great way to get active!
Growth is never easy, but sometimes it is a necessity on our road to evolving. I recently took my first try at reading cards. I started with moon cards since I had no idea where to start and didn’t even know if I had reached that spiritual place yet, almost felt like an impostor of some sort, I guess. Well, let me tell ya the cards were right on. First Card: I was dissecting every little thing instead of looking at the big picture, which can cause one not to end up moving forward. Yep, that’s where I was over the last few weeks. The next was that growth was coming but not in the most comfortable way, and I needed to work through my fears. Yup again. Then the future card: feel more think less. Wow! This just helped reaffirm that I need to continue on my spiritual journey. A restart is possible, and balance is coming. YES PLEASE 🌟
It’s one of those we know what we need to do, but we have a hard time doing it. Well, how do we move forward and DO IT? I wish I had the answers, sorry, but I will start with a daily remembering my goals and dreams. Become more active and a participating energy in my life. So, if any of you are stuck in a place of well, being stuck. Not sure where to go. I encourage you not to give up, write down a plan. Don’t berate yourself if some days are not matching what you wrote. We all are trying our best to do our best. I wish you all an abundance of love, light, and inner peace. 🌈✌